I'm really into asian looking animals
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
