I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
