Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
