I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
