If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
