this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
