I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just blew my weed a kiss
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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