the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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