It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
