she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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