3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
