why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
