we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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