Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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