yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
