Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
