imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
