9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
