i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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