My first STD was from a foam party
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
