Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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