I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
