My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
