thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
