im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
