He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
