guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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