I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
