It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
is it fun? or sober?
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