if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
