So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
