My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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