i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you bring me the toilet please
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
