I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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