Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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