toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
