I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
