apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
