As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
