No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
