I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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