She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize