i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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