id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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