Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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