He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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