I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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