just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
