I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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