Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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