Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
