Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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