I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
