he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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