Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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