I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want a musical about memes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
