i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
