Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
