Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
