don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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