so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
