I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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