Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
