Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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