She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
