Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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