That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
