Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sex in a hospital.. check
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
