hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
