I accidentally had phone sex last night
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
