Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
